MY FIRST visit to Highbury was in 1976.
And I have been attending Arsenal matches fairly regularly since the early 1980s, when my parents finally allowed me to make trip across to North London on my own.
Arsenal fans have found a new lease of life at the Emirates
The Gooners have taken it into their own hands to improve the Emirates atmosphere
It would be fair to say therefore, that I have heard and sung
hundreds of fabulous and frankly, ingenious terrace originals.
So, when asked to come up with a list of the funniest Arsenal chants, it should have been a relatively easy and enjoyable task.
However, we are thankfully living in a more enlightened
and inclusive era for the beautiful game in England.
Many of the songs I may have sung, or perhaps enjoyed in the 1980s, would certainly be deemed unacceptable and in many cases entirely embarrassing today.
Thankfully though, football fans are forever inventive.
The source material from our own team’s players and of course those of the other teams we don’t like, provide us with constant source material and inspiration.
To aid my worsening memory I appealed to the wider Arsenal fanbase on Twitter to jog my grey cells and not surprisingly I was bombarded with classics, old and new, printable and most definitely not printable.
So, here is my top 12 Funniest Arsenal original terrace chants,
in no particular order but I have started with my personal favourite.
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1. It is very hard to beat a timeless classic and most particularly when the particular ditty is aimed at the old enemy.
It is entirely based on fact offers Spurs no comeback: “You won the league, in black and white, you won the league, in black and white!”
Simple, funny and true.
2. A beautifully crafted ode to our current Technical Director, an his, shall we say, delayed Highbury arrival: “Arsene Wenger, he went to Brazil.
“He said he wanted a player with skill. They said to him, we’ve got a player for you.
“He ain’t got a passport and his name’s Edu Edu, Edu, Edu, Edu.”
3. When Tony Adams went up to lift the FA Cup in 1993, shortly after ending up in A&E with 29 stitches in a head wound after falling down some stairs when drunk.
It goes: “When Tone goes up to lift the FA Cup, mind the steps, mind the steps.”
Edu is in the Gooners’ good books with his stellar signings as technical director
4. It was a one-off occasion in May 2018 when travelling Arsenal fans, myself among them made trip to Huddersfield for Arsene Wenger’s last match as or manager.
To mark the historic moment the away support, with a nod to both clubs’ heritage, fabulously conjured this one up: “Herbert Chapman, he left cos you’re s**t!”
5. Fan favourites will tend to be awarded their own chant fairly swiftly, and of course not all are humorous.
This one for Manu Petit: “He’s blonde, he’s quick, his
name’s a porno flick, Emmanuel, Emmanuel!”
6. Before Vieira’s Senegal chant, currently being replicated for Fabio, Manu’s midfield partner had this classic, to the Macarena tune.
We sing: “My old man bought a second-hand
Sierra. (Who from?) Ooooooh Patrick Vieira.”
7. The nearly team of 2012/13 had a frontline supported wonderfully by Santi Cazorla at 10.
That front three merited this ingenious collective ode: “Podolski to the left of me, Walcott to the right, here I am, stuck in the middle Giroud!”
One of Arsenal’s greatest ever captains, Vieira, has his own chant
8. A stalwart in the famous Back four that won two titles in 1989 and 1991.
Steve Bould arrived from Stole with hair but as his success for the Arsenal grew his hair fell out: “Stevie Bould, Stevie Bould, Stevie Stevie Bould.
“He’s got no hair, but we don’t care Stevie Stevie Bould!”
9. I feel somewhat harsh including this next one, as the player in question is in fact, an Invincible.
But it goes: “He’s bald, he’s s**t, he gets a game when no one’s fit, Pascal Cygan, Pascal Cygan.”
10. I sense I have gone too long without a Spurs inspired number.
And their capitulation in the last match of the season, to open the door for Arsenal to secure Champion’s League football in 2006 deserves inclusion: “Lasagne, whoah Lasagne.
“We laughed ourselves to bits, when Tottenham got the s**ts, whoah lasagne!”
Lasagne-gate saw Tottenham miss out on a Champions League spot
11. The atmosphere and the inventiveness is superb at the Emirates this season.
But even we Gooners can admit there have been periods since 2006 and indeed even at Highbury when we lost our collective voices.
However, I was reminded that between 2003 and late 2004, in the Invincible campaign and longer unbeaten run, when
opposition fans had the cheek to sing about the Highbury Library.
We had a swift and clever retort: “We only sing when we’re losing.”
12. I think I will round off with a song, that whilst effectively presented to us on a plate, still makes me smile.
Ah dear old Alex Song: “We’ve only got one Song!”
I know this is far from exhaustive.
But I hope you enjoyed the memories, and the last title leads me neatly to an excellent book on the history of Arsenal terrace chants, “We’ve only got one Song“.
I will leave you with another personal favourite that made the pubs pre-matches but never truly caught on in the stadiums, despite the subjects heroics at Old Trafford.
To the tune of Carly Simon’s You’re so Vain, for Sylvain Wiltord: “You’re Sylvain, It bet you think this song is about you, don’t you, don’t you!”
Wiltord’s chant is a favourite in the pubs pre-match