THERE’S nothing virtual about a winner!
That’s what the nation will find out Saturday afternoon at 5pm on the main ITV network.
Yes, people, the Virtual Grand National should be the most watched renewal in the history of the Aintree showpiece first run in 1839. Be proud everyone – the Sport of Kings has finally cracked it as a cartoon race. A modern day Whacky Races.
What’s more, I can tell you the winner will be Definitly Red, trained by Brian Ellison and ridden by Brian Hughes, who most people don’t know is Britain’s newest champion jumps rider but who will suddenly become more of a housewives’ favourite than Lester Piggott was back in the day.
You might ask how I am so sure Defintly Red will win. Well it’s simple. If he does not it will be down to a computer glitch in the way the mathematical algorithms have been digested. In short, the virtual result will be wrong – I, though, will be right. Just remember that.
When Definitly Red passes the post first I fully expect Liverpool to go into a Lockdown frenzy, at least the ‘Red’ side of Liverpool, I can imagine the ‘Blue’ side will merely be in misery as usual.
Empty streets lined with closed bars and restaurants will hide wild scenes at home as Liverpool fans dance about to celebrate a famous Premier League/Grand National double. Jurgen Klopp will rename himself Klip-Klopp after backing the National victor.
Why am I so sure about Definitly Red, other than the fact only a really thick computer would not think he has the perfect name for this year’s renewal?
Well firstly Ellison is bullish. He told me: “He’s best virtual horse I have ever trained. He has never missed a beat, never missed a fence, is never sick, jumps for fun. Honestly, some of these virtual horses can be a bit pesky. But Definitly Red has been awesome.
“When he wins I am going to chase the Mrs naked round a field. And I can tell you that’s no virtual fantasy of mine. I have done that before, but don’t tell anyone.”
Ellison fills me with confidence. The cheekpieces that worked so well at Kelso last time fill me with confidence. As does the running-on second in the Peter Marsh. Remember, this is a horse who has been in Gold Cups and now has 10st 10lb on his virtual back. He is thrown in.
I expect Tiger Roll to chase him home. Of course Tiger Roll is already a virtual hero, having banged home in 2018 to the screams of the virtual crowd. He’s been there and got the t-shirt.
Owner Michael O’Leary is a busy man with most of his beloved Ryanair planes grounded, but I did have a virtual chat and he told me this:
“Look, Matt. He’s not the second coming of Jesus,” or was that about Samcro? I forget.
Anyway, O’Leary added: “I just want the Tiger back home safe to his virtual barn. I have already reserved a private jet for his comeback. I will be the only one on board, as the pilots are on holiday. A rostering issue…but to hell with it I will fly and Tiger can sing Katy Perry.”
My virtual third place will be Anibale Fly. He is a very appropriate runner for this race for Tony Martin, as for most of 2020 he has raced like a virtual horse. I am not even sure there is a real version any of him. Anyway, he was a bit better last time and of course as a real horse was fifth in 2019.
There is no doubt Anibale Fly has been laid out for this virtual bonanza. Barry Geraghty told me: “I was so miffed not to be top jockey at Cheltenham after all my wins that I think I deserve to win the Grand National. I’m not getting any younger you know – this is my big chance.
“I think Tony has been, well, how can I say, virtually stopping Anibale Fly. The handbreak will be off Saturday for sure.”
And in fourth place will be Any Second Now, who had the speed to win at two miles last time but the stamina to land a Fulke Walwyn at Cheltenham.
So that’s it people. And just remember. If this all goes pear-shaped I am right. The computer will have got it wrong. Yeeehaaa!
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