LEGENDARY jockey AP McCoy has opened up on the sheer hell of retirement – and how he believes all top sportspeople ‘die twice’.
McCoy was the face of the sport for decades, winning every big race and setting records that might possibly never be broken.
McCoy endured it all during his career – broken bones, winners and constant dieting – but says retirement is ‘hell’ by comparison
He was champion jockey 20 times in a row, rode a record 4,358 winners and won the 2010 BBC Sports Personality of the Year award.
The Northern Irishman also broke just about every bone in his body and lived a punishing existence of constant dieting and cutting weight.
But he has revealed how he now misses the everyday ‘torture and pain’ since hanging up his saddle in April 2015.
In quotes carried by The Sportsman, McCoy, now 48, said: “I’m a firm believer a sportsman is the only person who dies twice.
“It’s like a different life, it’s like someone has taken away everything.
“I do 15 days with ITV racing and a few other things for different companies, but does it fulfil me? Does it give me the same buzz? Does it heck.
“I’ve always been happy, but I’m just saying will I ever get the urge to get up in the morning and say ‘I can’t wait?’ – No.
“There’s nothing like going out on the big stage and needing to perform.
“You could be Jeff Bezos and have everything in the world, but it’s not the same feeling as going out in front of all those people and needing to perform.
“I miss the high and the low of that, I miss the risk. I miss never being satisfied.”
Amazingly, for all his achievements, McCoy said he viewed himself as the biggest loser in the sport.
And, when you consider the number of races he competed in without winning, you can see he did actually have a point.
Despite being the undisputed champ, that clearly played on McCoy, who revealed there were moments of contemplation late into the night when he would berate himself.
He said: “In my own head I was the most insecure person for 20 years.
“I used to sit in a dark room on a Saturday night, looking out of the window at the stars.
“I used to think to myself ‘you’re s***’ and I might not ever be good again.
“But even after I’d been c**p, I’d get up the following morning and that feeling would be gone.
“I’d promise myself I was going to be good. Today is going to be good. I’m going to be great.
“I know that I lived the dream, but I don’t know that you can’t always be inwardly satisfied because someone always beats you.
“I’ll be well pleased if I’m dead in 30 years [and] someone beats my records.
“If it’s going to be in 20 to 30 years’ time, then I hope I don’t live that long. I hope I’m gone!
“My records are everything to me. I only think about them a little bit… well, a lot of the time!”
